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The Trouble With Secrets

Secrets can be a confusing issue for children--which secrets should be told and which secrets should be kept? This book helps children distinguish between hurtful secrets and good surprises.

Paperback: 32 pages

Publisher: Parenting Press (January 1, 1986)

Language: English

ISBN-10: 094399022X

ISBN-13: 978-0943990224

Product Dimensions: 5.5 x 0.1 x 8.5 inches

Shipping Weight: 1.6 ounces (View shipping rates and policies)

Average Customer Review: 3.8 out of 5 stars  See all reviews (22 customer reviews)

Best Sellers Rank: #320,744 in Books (See Top 100 in Books) #40 in Books > Children's Books > Growing Up & Facts of Life > Health > Safety #134 in Books > Children's Books > Growing Up & Facts of Life > Difficult Discussions > Abuse #605 in Books > Children's Books > Growing Up & Facts of Life > Friendship, Social Skills & School Life > Social Skills

Age Range: 4 - 10 years

Grade Level: Preschool - 5

I was disappointed in this book because it does not address many of the critical issues involving sexual abuse. I don't like the way the book leans heavily on the tired old "stranger danger" routine. Statistics have shown time and again that in the majority of cases, children know their abusers.I agree with a point made in the review below about how children risk their own safety if they tell a predator, "No! Stop or I'll tell!" All well and good, but predators usually cannot be kept in check by a child's warning. Children don't have the physical strength to fend off a predatory adult, so the premise seems a little shaky there. I still wish the book would address the issue of what to do if abused by people one knows. The "candy-bearing" stranger lurking on the playground, offering gifts of money, rides and other treats has long been dispelled, if indeed he ever existed. In recent years, much has been done to help empower children and their families with knowledge of what to do if faced with such a situation; how to respond upon discovery and what steps to take to ensure protection for the child or children.Read "Your Body Belongs to You" by Cornelia Spelman; "My Body is Private" by Linda Walvoord Girard and "The Right Touch: A Read Aloud to Help Prevent Child Sexual Abuse" by Sandy Kleven instead. I also highly recommend Peter Alsop's collection "Songs on Sex & Sexuality," especially the song, "My Body" which teaches these important safety lessons about predators in a gentle, loving and straightforward manner.

As a therapist who works with abused children, I have to say that I am sorry I bought this book and will not use it.This book is about when children should keep secrets and when they should not. Part of its purpose is to help children protect themselves against sexual abuse, but this aim is not achieved. The author uses the "good touch, bad touch" concept, which experts such as Jan Hindman, author of "Just Before Dawn" strongly discourage. ("Just Before Dawn", by the way, is a great book on sexual abuse, but written for adults, more for therapists than laypeople.) It is not helpful to a child's normal development to label sexual touching as "bad touch". It is especially devastating to the sexual abuse victim who may have had a pleasurable bodily response to the abuse, which is not that uncommon. The "bad touch" concept will make this child feel guilty and bad and even more afraid to tell. It is much better to explain to the child that, except for the doctor, no adult is to touch the private parts of a child.Another glaring mistake this book makes is that it advises a child to tell anyone who attempts to take their clothes off or touch them in an "uncomfortable way" to say, "No! I'll tell." Tellling a perpetrator "I'll tell" could end up getting the child killed. Of course, the child should tell, but not let the perpetrator know.Two much better books on this subject for children are "My Body Is Private" and "Your Body Belongs to You".

We all have secrets, but for some kids, secrets can be confusing. This is a great book to read to or with young children, who need to understand the difference between a good secret and a toxic secret. I use it in my practice all the time, and it helps children realize they ae not alone, and that not all secrets are fun, and some even need to be shared with a trusted adult.

I bought this book in hopes to find something for my nephew to read and understand about certain secrets. In hopes to get something more wide range then what was in the book. It doesnt explain very well about secrets and the whole purpose of "good touch and bad touch" it says "you know the differnece" and doesnt really explain that even parents may want you to keep bad secrets. Except for the small note that its confusing if a parent wants you to keep something from the other parent. Not to mention that this book is made of very cheap the print paperback because that is sure what you get.I wouldnt recommened this book to anybody.It more or less will turn kids into sneaky joke playing brats because "some secrets are fun" according to the book. So go ahead and sneak up on people, and suprise them...because its "okay"yeah right!

Long winded and complicated, says it helps teach children critical thinking (a great skill) but I do not see how it does.The pictures are boring so is the text. The people have their eyes shut in most of the pictures, which could even mean the the opposite of what they are supposedly teaching!This topic is important but children are not likely to be interested in it the way it is presented here.

The point of this book is very good, and the examples are concrete. Good secrets and bad secrets are always on opposite pages, so it never feels overwhelming. I also like how there are reasons for not keeping secrets, like how a broken vase might not hold water even if you glue it back together. The shortcoming of the book is its illustration. It's not engaging, so this doesn't really feel like a "fun" book.

This book is a wonderful learning tool to help children understand the difference between "good" secrets and "bad" secrets. The examples are clear and easy for a child to understand. I would recommend to any parent.

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