Paperback: 272 pages
Publisher: Zondervan (October 31, 2012)
Product Dimensions: 6 x 0.8 x 9 inches
Shipping Weight: 8.8 ounces (View shipping rates and policies)
Average Customer Review: 4.8 out of 5 stars See all reviews (179 customer reviews)
Best Sellers Rank: #13,065 in Books (See Top 100 in Books) #41 in Books > Christian Books & Bibles > Christian Living > Dating & Relationships #176 in Books > Self-Help > Relationships > Interpersonal Relations #2967 in Books > Religion & Spirituality
Sometimes you think you have to settle for less in your relationships. "If you don't want to settle in your relational life, this book is for you," says author Dr. John Townsend. You are meant to have deep, meaningful and positive relationships.Cloud and Townsend wrote Boundaries two decades ago to help people in troubled relationships. Now Townsend wants to help you identify and grow from whatever went wrong in the relationship. He wants to help you determine if someone is worthy of your trust again.In part 1 of the book we see how trust is broken in the first place, what happens to the person on the receiving end and to the relationship. We see the role of healthy boundaries and what happens when we feel the desire for a new relationship or try again with the present one.People in healthy relationships live longer and have fewer health issues. We are also made for deep relationships. Trust is essential. It is freeing. Yet we may be vulnerable to deception. When it happens, we lose trust. Hurt, guilt and withdrawal result.Boundaries and what they accomplish are reviewed. Often a boundary will cause the reemergence of desire. Townsend explains healthy and unhealthy responses to such desires.Part 2 addresses knowing when your ready to open up again.Relational wounds need to heal so we can carry on with life again. Friends help. Counseling may be necessary. Townsend helps us review the painful relationship and gain insight from it. He writes, "My goal for you is that you will be enlightened and empowered to choose people who are both good and good for you."Grieving is essential for moving on. "Grief is what enables you to fully let go. It frees you, it clears your mind, and it helps heal the injuries. You must grieve what was.
Here is a book for those who have already "set boundaries" for themselves -- who have learned to overcome destructive and codependent behavior at least in part -- and who want to reconnect with others.You may know how to "stay away" from hurt and pain, how to put up the protective walls when necessary. But what's not so clear, sometimes, is how to let people back in AFTER you've been wounded. That's a whole other process, one that can be even more difficult than learning to set boundaries in the first place. But it's absolutely essential to forming the deep relationships without which we are barely even human. This book charts a path out of the "walled city."Check out the table of contents -- in itself, it's almost a primer in forging new relationships.Part 1: Understanding the Problem1. The Draw to Relationship2. The Damage Arrives3. Boundaries and What They Accomplish4. The Return of DesirePart 2. Knowing When You're Ready5. You Admit the Hurt and Receive Support6. You Understand Your Own Past Choices7. You Can Connect the Dots8. You Grieve and Let It Go9. You Develop Growth Friendships10. You Trust Your Defining Boundaries11. You Let Your Values Transform Your Desires12. You Know Which Risks Are Worth Taking and Which Are NotPart 3. Knowing When the Other Person Is Ready13. Does This Person Care About His or Her Impact on You14. Is This Person (Really) Connect to Good People15. Can This Person Handle a Relationship with You16. For Dating and Marriage: Does This Person Go Beyond Passion?17. Is the Big Problem Being Solved the Right Way/Part 4. Moving Into the Relationship18. The Talk You Must Have19.
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